Real
by crazybooklover99
Summary: Pre-epilogue story of Peeta and Katniss. The Capitol believes they had their toasting before the Quarter Quell. But now they've had their own toasting. How will Katniss agree to have children? Peeta and Katniss's love is real. Super cute/fluffy romance. EVERLARK!
1. Fifteen Long Years

**A/N~ Hey guys! Ok so I know everyone does a pre-epilogue story but I just had to. Everyone is freaking out about breaking dawn and I'm making arrangements for the Catching Fire première. Yeah, I'm a little obsessed. But not to fear I read the books multiple times before the movie came out. I'm so bookish (haha found that word in a book and now I use every chance I get!) Anyway I hope you enjoy this story!**

**Chapter 1**

**Fifteen Long Years**

**Peeta's POV**

I have never asked Katniss about having children. I know she knows I want them and I know she's not ready. Sadly she might never be, but I love her none the less. She's strong and independent but yet too sensitive to bring a soul into this harsh, unforgiving world. I understand her wariness, I feel it too.

**Katniss POV**

The capital believes Peeta me I have been married since before the Quarter Quell, but it seems like only yesterday we had _our_ toasting. Our _real _toasting.

_**flashback**_

"_I can't put you in danger anymore, Katniss." Peeta says sadly. We had just finished dinner with Haymitch, and he had another flashback. It wasn't the worst but it was bad enough that he had to lock himself in the small coat closet by the door._

"_It's not your fault." I say, trying to hide my tears. After a flashback like this one he shuts himself off for a few days. I can't stand to be alone in this house waiting for him to find his way back to me. I need him here. He's the only thing that keeps me from shattering into a million pieces._

"_It is." He insists, sliding into one of the wooden chairs that surround the kitchen table. He rests his head in his hands and sighs heavily. "I can't control myself. I have flashbacks and most of the time I can lock myself up but what if I can't? What then, Katniss? What would happen to you?"_

_I stare at him blankly. Finally he gets up and pushes his chair in. He grabs his coat and heads for the door. I'm too shocked to do anything but the soft winter breeze seems to bring me back to my senses. I run after Peeta. I have no shoes or coat but I charge into the snow covered street anyway. _

"_Peeta! Peeta wait!" I yell. The cold ground numbs my feet and the crisp air sends goosebumps up my arms. Peeta turns around at the sound of my voice and rushes toward me. He meets me in the middle of the street and places a strong hand on my shoulders, pulling me towards him. I rest my head on his broad shoulder and feel hot tears escape my eyes, no matter how much I forbid them to. _

"_There, there" he says soothingly, as he runs a hand through my hair "It's alright."_

_Then as if realizing I have no coat or shoes he says "Come on, let's get you inside." He picks me up bridal style and I can't help noticing how right it feels. Me in his arms. Right then I decided that this was what I need. I need Peeta._

_We reach my house and he sets me down so he can open the door. As soon as the door is open he scoops me up again. The warmth of the house engulfs us and he carries me to the couch. Gently he sets me down, gazing into my eyes. His bright blue eyes trap my grey ones and we speak a million questions that neither of us has the answer to._

_I sit myself up and breathe deeply "I'm ready" I say quietly._

_His eyes widen for the briefest moment, thinking I mean I'm ready to have children but then he realizes there's something we must do before that. The toasting. _

_He gets up and ventures into the kitchen. I feed the fire that is already burning in the furnace more wood and find two metal rods we could use to toast the bread. I'm ready to devote my life to him. But I don't know if I can give him a child. _

_He returns shortly with two pieces of District 4's bread. I remember the green specks are seaweed and it has a salty taste. It is one of my favorites. I still remember the day Peeta explained all the different breads to me when we were at the training center for the first time._

_I smile tugs at my lips and I hand him a metal poker. He gives me a slice of bread. He easily slides his slice onto the metal rod and then takes my hand in his so he can help me. His touch gives me new energy and my heart starts racing. He takes my hand with the bread in it and slides the slice onto the rod. His movements are fluid and careful. He looks deeply into my eyes and it feels as though he can see my soul and read my thoughts. He leans in and I'm sure he's going to kiss me but instead he whispers "Are you sure about this?" _

_I meet his gaze and am tempted to kiss but I whisper back "I have no doubt that this is what I want" _

_He smiles and pulls me near him. With an arm around my back he puts his bread into the furnace. Shortly after I put mine in too. We sit there until our bread is golden brown and then we pull it out. I have never done a toasting, I don't know how it works but it seems like Peeta does. _

_He takes a bite of his toast and offers it to me. I follow his example and try my toast before offering it to him. Then we taste each others. The bread is the best I've ever tasted. Peeta pulls me into a hug and we discard the bread._

"_I'm sorry about earlier I-I was only trying to protect you" he says. I can hear the despair in his voice._

"_You don't need to protect me from yourself. I'm a big girl I know what to do." I reply. I try to avoid his gaze but it's near impossible._

"_I know but I'm afraid of what I might do." He looks at the ground. His shoulders are slouched and he looks weighed down with anguish and sorrow. I place a comforting hand on his shoulder. He turns towards me and soon we're pulled together and our lips are linked. His lips are soft and warm and heat slowly spreads through my body. _

_That night he saves me from my nightmares and I save him from his flashbacks._

**_end of flashback_**

Peeta walks down the stairs. He has the slightest limp that only I would recognize. Even after years of practice walking with his wooden leg he still has the slightest limp. Some nights I catch him sitting on the edge of our bed staring forlornly at the stub where his leg used to be.

He smiles warmly at me. I return the smile and give him a small peck on the lips. I've never been good at love but Peeta makes it so easy. I don't have to worry if he'll shut everyone off like my mom did. He's too full of love to do that. Love for me.

"Shall we make breakfast" he whispers in my ear.

"If by we you mean you cook while I sit and watch." I reply. He smiles.

"Come on, I bet you'd be a great cook. You just have to follow instructions." he says.

Something about Peeta makes me believe I can do anything. Even cook.

His eyes are pleading me to help him. "Fine" I say. I consider adding "but only because I love you" but I don't. Peeta makes it easier to love but I'm still not good at showing him.

His face lights up and he tugs me toward the kitchen. It's a fair sized kitchen. It's nothing like the Capitol's lavish kitchens, but it's ours and that's all that matters.

"Peeta I'm going to ruin breakfast and you know that." I say as he starts pulling multiple ingredients out of the cabinets.

Still busied with the ingredients he turns towards me. He gives me an annoyed look.

"Katniss, if you make it, it will be the best breakfast I've ever had." he says.

A smile threatens to escape me but I forbid it. I can't let Peeta know that his comment is sending butterflies through my stomach or else he'll get me to cook with him.

I continue my blank gaze. He's about to crack. I know he is. He hates fighting. But he's not quitting yet. Perhaps he might actually beat me. No. I won't cook.

Our staring contest goes on forever. Finally his lips move. Trying to form words that don't leave his mouth.

"Please" he whispers. His eyes are pleading me and I feel guilt wiggle it's way into my heart. He's too sweet. I can't say no.

''Fine." I say, dropping his gaze. I grab a wooden spoon and turn back to him. "What do I do?" I add some attitude to my voice to make it seem like I'm not excited to finally learn how to mix random ingredient and turn it into something delicious.

Peeta is trying hard to hide his smile but it's near impossible for him not to be happy about me be cooperative. Especially if I'm going to cook.

"Just find the measuring cup and and get out the flour." he says as though he's asking me to do something simple. I stare blankly at him. I never familiarized myself with the cabinets. I only know where the dishes are and I know where we keep the herbs and edible plants, that's it. Peeta always cooks, I watch. Peeta continues finding the extra ingredients. After a moment he stops and turns towards me. I give him a crooked smile and a small shrug. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"Oh, sorry" he says shyly "I didn't realise. Here-" he says reaching for my hand. I surrender it to his and let him lead me to the third row of cabinets. He brings my hand up to the second one and wraps our hands around the handle. He pulls it open and shows me where the pot is that has the flour. I pull it out and begin looking for the flour. I try to avert my eyes from his. I'm blushing too much. I don't want him to know the dizzying effect he has on me. Right now I want him more than ever. I don't know what's come over me but I'm almost ready to give myself to him. Completely. I'm almost ready to have his kid.

I can't find the measuring cup. I start to search more frantically. I open and slam drawers without luck. I'm about to open another one when Peeta taps my shoulder. I whip around to find him holding the measuring cup out to me. He looks deeply confused. I want to tell him my feelings but my worry gets the best of me. What if someone who followed Snow over rules and they bring back the Games? My child wouldn't stand a chance. I can't let that happen. I can't lose anyone else. My heart can't take it.

I feel a burning rage begin to spread through me. My life is ruined. I'm broken. The Capitol still has control of my life even though it's gone. I have nightmares every night and Peeta is traumatized with flashbacks and suffers nightmares. There's no escaping the scares they've left on us. We'll be stuck like this. Forever.

Peeta takes a step back and leans against the counter. What's wrong? He seems to ask me, even though no words are spoken.

"I can't." I say looking at the ground.

"Katniss, it's not that hard. I'll teach you. Cooking is really easy." he says softly. I have a feeling he know thats not what I'm talking about.

''That's not what I'm talking about." I say. Somehow I manage to meet his eyes as I continue. "I can't keep worrying about every thing I do. I feel trapped but if I try to free myself I'll only get hurt."

"Then don't" he replys,as moves towards me and caresses my face in his gentle hand, tracing small circles along my cheek bones.

"I can't. I'll-It's not worth the risk." I watch his careful fingers brush my tears away. I hadn't even realised I was crying.

"Maybe it is. Maybe you need to give in. Stop worrying." he says. I know he wants children but suddenly I'm faced with how much he needs them. We need a distraction. Something to focus on as the world crumbles beneath us.

I can't believe what I'm about to say. "Maybe I will" As I say this I stare into his eyes. I need him to know that I will do it. Perhaps not tonight but very, very soon.

"Only if your sure. I don't want you to do it because I want this." he breathes in deeply "I want you to want this." I nod my head and pull away from him.

I get my jacket and slip my father's boots on. Peeta stares at me. I turn around and say "I'm going hunting. I need to get my thoughts cleared. I'll be fine." I say.

My words don't do anything to reassure him. He's always worried when I go to the Forest. I won't be long. I just need to prepare myself for what will happen next.

**A/N~ Hey! So how'd you like it? Should I continue? R&R!**

**Please! Tell me what I should fix point out things I did wrong (nicely) and tell me what you liked!**


	2. I Think I'm Ready

**A/N~ Oh my gosh. I want to thank all of you who favorited/followed/reviewed my story! You guys are amazing! **

**Speacial thanks to Anuschka93, happyhungergames99, EllRose, paristraveler22, blugumball, MyChemRomance, Lady Raksha for following/favoriting/reviewing my story only moments after it was posted. You guys convinced me to keep going. Well I was always going to continue this story but you guys made me more excited. **

**Reviews/favorites/followers = updates!**

**PS~ In need of a Beta! If you are one or know one, please tell me. It will drastically improve my writing. Thanks!**

**Chapter 2**

**I Think I'm Ready**

**Peeta POV**

I never thought this would happen. I've always wanted it but now I feel as though Katniss had a point. I don't want our children to be in danger but I want them. I want them so bad. Yet, half of me would be fine if Katniss came back and said she wasn't ready. Since I still have all the ingredients out, I'll make pancakes. Surprise Katniss when she gets back.

We both escape our own ways. She hunts, I bake. In normal situations we would be switched around. But we are far from normal.

**Katniss POV**

The Forest usually calms me. But today it makes me more anxious. Since I've come through the gate I've seen at least three baby rabbits. I didn't have the heart to shoot them. Also, I forgot my bow. But that's not why I'm here.

I walk through the forest. My feet barely make a sound. Like always.

I finally find what I'm looking for. My pond.

I slip off my bulky boots and dip my toes into the crisp water. It brings a numbing sensation to my feet. Too soon the numbing wears off and I feel needles pricking my skin.

I exhale heavily and rub my temples. Even with miles between us I still feel that pull towards Peeta. There's no denying I'm ready but yet I'm hesitant. Once I do this there's no turning back. No just kidding, or I didn't mean to. Plus, how bad can it be? I'll protect my child. If by some demented reason the hunger games come back, I'll run away. I would rather die then put my child through that. It's bad enough I'll have to explain the horrors of my past to my innocent children.

I breath in deeply and look up to the trees. The branches and scattered leaves obscure my view of the sun but every so often a ray shines through the mass of trees and illuminates the ground beneath me.

Tonight it will happen and right now I should be spending time with Peeta before I offer myself to him, but I'm hiding in the woods. I'm running from my fears. Just like my mom who shut herself away from the rest of the world. I'm shutting Peeta out.

Painfully, I remember all the times my mom stayed huddled on her bed crying for days. I remember the sorrowful days that followed Peeta's flashbacks, were he locked himself up so he could "protect me".

What I'm doing is probably much worse. I left him confused and alone without a clue of what to expect. He also gets worried whenever I go hunting. He thinks I'll get hurt and have no one to help me and then I'll be trapped there untill someone happens to venture into the woods, which, no one ever does. I made a promise with him. If I'm gone more than 5 hours he can come looking for me. That's only happened once and that's because I feel asleep in a tree. I still remember Peeta's hast clomping that woke me. He was looking around frantically. From my perch in the tree it would be impossible for him to see me but gave me a clear view of him. I called out to him and nearly scared him to death. I earned myself a stern scolding and a few disciplinary looks, but he was more relived that I was okay and not angry that I made him worry.

Which is another reason I need him. He's full of forgiveness (which I need a lot of). He's gentle and he's careful. Unlike Gale who was full of rage and anger. He was rough and too much like myself.

I take in one more deep breath and hoist myself up. In the distance I hear birds scramble into flight. The hunter in me is reaching for an arrow that I don't have and scout the woods for a possible predator. I come to my senses and let my guard down the slightest. You never know when something will come up behind you. Person or animal.

I begin the walk back to the gate. It never is charged anymore. No one really cares anymore.

**_~time laspe~_**

I reach the gate and pry it open so I can slip through. Peeta fusses over me being too skinny so he bakes a ton of food. Mostly cheese rolls and he makes lamb soup on special occasions. (when the train delivers lamb) I'm not substantially bigger but I don't look so boney and sick, like I used to. I have to change my normal routine a bit. Like I have to pry the gate open a smidge further to slip my body through. I am grateful though. I finally look healthy and not so anorexic.

I enough I reach Victor's Village. I wander over to my house and hesitate before I open the door. I catch a whiff of cheese buns and feel immensely guilty. I left Peeta to clear my head and Peeta had to make sense of it.

I look down at my father's boots. I miss him but my life has been so chaotic that I have given him much of a thought for a long time. His reassuring words and tenderness. To my mom he was as good as Peeta.

I breathe in. Peeta. I have to go in. I have to.

I heave open the door and am welcomed by an even stronger scent of cheesy buns.

At the sound of the front door, Peeta jumps up from his perch on the couch. He sees me and smiles. Happy I'm alright.

His reaction only makes me feel more guilt. I could tell he busied himself making the cheese buns then realised he wouldn't eat them so he waited patiently for my return. Although I highly doubt he was very patient.

I smile back at him and begin to take off my boats. I slip them off easily and hang up my jacket in the coat closet.

Peeta stands by the coach rubbing his neck with his left hand.

I sigh "I'm so sorry. I-I" I start but can't finish. I can't find words to describe how I feel. I'm lucky Peeta is a good people reader.

'It's OK" he says. Offering his arms for a hug. I accept graciously. He may not know it, but he always knows what I need.

'I made cheese buns" he says. The words tickle my ear.

"I know" I say, raising my gaze. "I could smell them down the street."

He smiles and pulls me to him. His skin is crinkled by his eyes, showing worry. "Are you OK?" He asks. He's still worried about me. But, yet, when is he not?

"As a matter of fact, I am." I smile up at him. My heart swells at the sight off his bright eyes and soft blonde curls. I love this boy so much.

"Good" he says but his eyes tell me otherwise. He wants to know if I'm ready. He won't do anything if I don't want to. I feel selfish when I don't reply. Tonight's not the night. I need to prepare myself for what's going to happen.

"Okay?" I say, backing away from this comforting arms.

He nods his head. I follow him into the kitchen and begin to clean the dishes. He comes up from behind me and slides his arms around mine, helping me srub the gunk off of the pots and pans he used to make the cheese buns. I feel a smile creep up on my lips. I feel as though my whole body is charged with electricity. His touch sends a burning fire of want through my hands that spreads to my whole body. I feel my love for him blaze within me. Maybe it will happen tonight. Maybe I'll finally face my fear. Maybe.

I gulp. I'm ready. I am. There's no more hiding from it. I can't wait anymore.

I turn around and look into his arms. In his eyes I see the same burning fire I feel. We both are desperate for something so fragile. This can be the line between complete happiness and utter despair.

"Peeta" I whisper sadly into his chest. He embraces me tighter. Leaving little room for sadness to find it's way into my heart. I have Peeta I'll alright. I can do this. He's sacrificed so much for me. The least I can do for him is give myself to him.

"I-I-I'm ready" I whisper so quietly I'm surprised he even hears me. He stiffens momentarily. Then he lifts my chin up so I meet his gaze. Then he kisses away the tears I was unaware I had. Each soft peck makes me more sure of my decision. I will do this. I have to. For Peeta.

Suddenly he pulls back. He looks at me with a puckered brow. "tonight?" he asks hesitantly. Right then I realise I'm not the only one who's nervous about this. Despite how much Peeta wants kids, he's as uneasy about this as I am.

In answer I shake my head. I-we need more time to prepare.

After that night I have made an extra effort to show my affection for Peeta. I grab his hand whenever it is free and sneak kisses in whenever I feel impulsed to. Peeta trys harder too. Our nights are spent tangled up in each other's arms.

We continue this routine for five days. On the sixth I can't keep my emotions controlled. I must have him.

And that night we become one.

And there's no turning back.

**A/N~ Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I do need a Beta so recommend one or if you are one and are willing to help me please let me know! I would be really grateful. I promise better chapters are coming in the near future. Sorry for the hastiness of this chapter. I've just HAD to update. **

**Have an awesome Black Friday! Do lots of shopping! (or sleeping like me!)**


	3. Real?

**A/N~ Thanks for all the great reviews! You guys are amazing!**

**Chapter 3**

**Real?**

**Peeta POV**

I can't believe it. I feel like I'm floating on air. It's hard to believe anything. This could be just another memory the capital implanted in my brain, and soon Katniss will become a monster and kill me. I have to be sure she's here. Does she still love me? Did she ever love me?

'Peeta?" Katniss asks worriedly. Her brow is furrowed and she looks embarrassed and ashamed. I want to comfort her but I'm afraid she'll combust at my touch or try to strangle me. I breathe in deeply. I circle my arms around her, pulling her towards me.

"Katniss," I whisper so quietly I'm surprised she even hears me, but she lifts her head at the sound of my voice. "Katniss, you love me. Real or not real?" Suddenly I'm scared she'll say she has always loved Gale and that she was only using me.

She seems to realise why I'm acting so weird.

"Peeta" she says my name with so much affection it makes me feel dizzy. She grabs the sides of my face and kisses me, hard. "Real."

My eyes widen. I'm scared my ears heard her wrong. "Real?" I ask tentatively.

She gives me an annoyed look. "Real." she says sincerely.

I close my eyes. Drunk in the moment. I open my eye and kiss her. We stay tangled up in each other for hours. Finally we drift off to sleep.

Katniss is free of nightmares and I didn't have any either. For the first time I'm not worried about having a flashback.

**TIME LASPE**

The morning light streams through the blinds. I'm momentarily blinded. As my eyes adjust I begin to see the blue of the bed sheets and the smooth curves of Katniss's body. I feel her stir against my chest and instantly remember last night. I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep so she won't catch me staring at her. She's beautiful, and mine.

I tighten my grip around her small body. Something about last might made me even more protective over her. She could, possibly, bear my child.

With my eyes still closed, I try to suppress a smile. If Katniss is awake she'll surely know that I am too.

I feel her reposition and then her warm breath on my cheek. I don't even try to suppress my smile now. She lets out a small laugh and closes the space between us.

Her kisses are almost ten times better with my eyes closed. I get to feel her without seeing her.

I make a mental note to close my eyes more often. She finally pulls away and I open my eyes. We hold each others gaze for a while. "Good morning" I whisper. She smiles then kisses me softly. Then she gets up. I would follow her but my prosthetic is across the room and I can't reach it. I look at her with pleading eyes. She realises what I need and crosses the room to get ny artificial limb. I really hate that thing. It itches and is highly uncomfortable, but I hate my stub of a leg more. I'm a broken person. I'm short a leg and I'll never be complete. again.

Katniss approaches me carefully. She seems nervous. I reach out my hand and find her's. I give it a small squeeze of reassurance. I think it's about time she learns how to put this contraption on.

"Do you want to do it? I can if you-" I start but she cuts me off.

"No, it's fine. I'll do it." I think I hear her voice shake.

She puts the prosthetic up to my stub so it fits perfectly. I wince as it rubs against my raw skin. I'm supposed to wear a wool sock over it so I don't hurt myself but I seem to have lost it last night.

Katniss begins to strap it me and soon enough it's on and I'm able to walk again.

Katniss looks at me curiously. "What?" I ask her.

"You're blushing." she says, her voice is soft and sweet.

I hadn't even noticed the heat o=in my cheeks but now that she has pointed it out I feel the heat intensify. I look away from her, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Hey," she puts her fingers under my chin and lifts it so I'm face to face with her. "What's wrong?" her expression and voice are full of sincerity.

"I-" I start but can't finish. What do I tell her? I'm embarrassed of myself? I don't think you deserve a broken person like me? "I want to know how you can love me like this." I say gesturing towards my prosthetic.

She smiles at me, shaking her head. She comes and sits next to me, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tight. I can't make myself look at her. Not that I don't want to look at her, I just don't think I can face the truth.

"Peeta, you're the kindest person I know. You have beautiful features that I can't live without. You're incredibly talented and I can't survive without you." as she says this I slowly bring myself to look at her. Her perfect grey eyes and long wavy hair that is, rarely, out of it's usual braid. I push a strand of her hair from her face behind her ear and let my hand linger there. I kiss her softly. "Thank you" I mutter softly against her lips. I don't know she heard me or not but I think she knows anyway.

Suddenly I remember, I'm not who I was before. The Capitol has stolen my real memories and implanted horrific ones. My life is haunted and I can't talk about the Hunger Games I've spent with Katniss. I don;t even know what's real anymore...

I pull away, I can feel the hot tears welling up in my eyes.I don't want Katniss to see me like this but I can't hold them back. Soon tears are sliding down my cheeks.

How can she love me? What am I able to provide her with? Cakes?

I know I have always loved Katniss and I always wanted her to love me back, and now that she finally does I can't let her. I should have thought about this before the toasting, before I could fall deeply in love with her.

I get up, leaving Katniss alone and confused. I drag myself to the door and glance back once more. She looks like she's seen a ghost. I haven't left her sight in many days, months even. Her utter befuddlement makes me ache. I want her, I do. But she doesn't want _me. _I'm no longer Peeta Mellark, I haven't been him since the Quarter Quell.

I manage to leave her room. That was the hardest part, not I sprint to the door and run to my neighboring house. The door is unlocked and I run in, every step burns. My prosthetic is rubbing my already raw skin to a pulp. The pain helps me stay me. I breathing is becoming ragid and I feel the monster in me creep it's way to the surface. I lock the door behind me. She'll come after me but I can't let her get hurt anymore.

Sadly, my house is almost the exact replica of her's. I need to escape the memory of her. For the first time ever, I need to have a flashback. I need to be reasonable. I'm a monster.

**Katniss POV**

"Peeta," I whisper weakly. I'm not sure what happened. everything was going great! I might have his child but he runs away? I thought he wanted this? He waited patiently for fifteen years! This is what he wanted. I don't-I don't understand.

I sigh, shoving all the air out of my lungs, then take in a deep breath. I love Peeta.

He had to leave me for me to finally realise how much I really need him. Even in his short absence I can feel the nightmares he fought off, creep up on me.

If he wasn't back by tonight I was going to find him. He needs me too, I stop his flashbacks, he stops my nightmares.

It's strange that the whole country can be so sure of our love when we can't sort it out.

**A/N~ Hey guys! Ok so, I'm sorry for the long wait but this week has been crazy busy. I had cross-country and recitals and tons of homework! Anyway, I apologize for the short chapter it was something that I HAD to write another will follow shortly. Happy Reading! **

**REVIEWS=FASTER UPDATES!**

**(Although, I'll update either way)**


	4. Is it Me?

**A/N~ I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY! iT'S BEEN FOREVER! i HAVE HAD CROSS-COUNTRY AND BAND AND FINALS AND OTHER SCHOOL RELATED JUNK, I'M SORRY!**

**Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! I will also be posting a cute one-shot for Percy Jackson and the Olympians so if you like that, then check it out! **

**PS- I'm soooo sorry! (again)**

**Chapter 4**

**Is it Me?**

**Katniss POV**

I ruined it. I wasn't enough for Peeta. How can someone like _him _like someone as imperfect as _me_?

I am horrible.

But he loved me, didn't he . . .?

**Peeta POV**

I want more than anything to be with Katniss.

The real one.

She can get me through this. She always does, but she doesn't know me. Or who I used to be. She even admited that she was acting the whole time during our 1st Hunger Games. I'm an idiot. She doesn't love me, she never did.

_**time laspe**_

All the flashbacks Katniss used to fight off have descended on me. As soon as one passes another one comes to haunt me. I am constantly being betrayed by the one I love. It's consistently getting harder and harder to remember who she really is.

Hours later, I find the energy to drag myself over to her house.

I make it do her front door and collapse.

She might not let me in, but I need to be near her.

I need to remember.

**Katniss POV**

From my room I watch Peeta stumble through the snow to my house.

Snow erks me. It makes me feel confined.

But at the sight of Peeta I could care less about snow. He may have left but I _need_ him.

He falls over in front of my door.

As soon as he hits the ground, I;m in a dead sprint for the door. He may be in a hallucination, but I don't care. I need him.

After bounding down the stairs and nearly tripping, I reach the front door.

With a quick shove the door is open, and I'm blow back with a cold gust of wind.

On the ground in front of me lays Peeta. He's slumped over in a fatale position. I try to lift him up but he's gone completely limp and I can't find the strength to hoist him up.

Panicking, I do the one thing I vowed never to do. I run to Haymitch's house. . . and ask for help.

**Peeta's POV**

I awake in my room, or one that looks similar to mine.

The walls are beige like mine. The bed sheets are the same blue. The closet and dresser are in the same place.

The only thing out of place is the skirt of a fancy dress sticking out of the closet. The dress reminds me of the one Katniss wore on our Victors tour to District 7.

Katniss!

I'm in her room, at her house.

At my realization I feel both peace and anxiousness, along with a jumble of other emotions mixed together in my stomach.

Most of all I feel hope.

Hope that Katniss will forgive me.

Hope that we can go back to the way things were.

Hope that I didn't hurt her.

I feel extremely tired but I need to see Katniss.

I muster up all my energy and tug the sheets off me. I swing my leg over the side of the bed, but my amputated leg lays limp on the bed.

I can't see my prosthetic. I'm stuck.

I let out a short breath, and fall back on the bed. I have two choices:

Stay here and wait for someone to check on me, or ask Katniss for help, hoping she's here and doesn't hate me.

But she can't hate me completely, she did bring me into her house after all.

I sit on the bed for a while, contemplating my two choices, but soon I grow impatient. I can't wait for someone to come get me. I _have _to see Katniss _now_.

So I decide I have to call her.

"Katniss," I croak. My voice is so weak, even I can barely hear myself.

I try again. This time I say more forcefully. "Katniss,"

I repeat her name 3 times and then I hear hesitant footsteps ascend the stairs. My heart starts racing and my palms start sweating. I try to convince myself that she's not mad but I don't believe myself.

The footsteps grow louder untill I can hear the person they belong to breathing outside the door.

"Katniss," I say again. My voice rises at the end of her name, like I'm asking her a question.

Behind the door I hear a sigh. I can't tell for sure if it's Katniss or not but I seriously hope it is.

The door knob started to rattle as the person opens the door. Butterflies attempt daring flips in my stomach and my palms are sweating even more.

At first it only opens a crack. I can't see who's being the door but I know they can probably see me sprawled across the bed.

Their breathing is heavy and a little raspy, Katniss doesn't normally sound like this. Unless she's been crying.

Oh no.

It's all my fault.

The door swings open and Katniss runs in.

My heart leaps at the sight of her, but then I notice the tears in her eyes. I feel like I weigh a thousand tons. I keep ruining her life.

Katniss keeps proceeding towards me, I can't let her get hurt anymore, "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. You don't deserve me," I say, dropping my head in embarrassment.

She doesn't say anything, she just comes to the bed and lays down with me.

"It's me, isn't it?" she sighs. Oh no! She thinks it's her fault I left! It's completely mine! She was too perfect for me.

'Katniss," I say softly.

"Yeah" she says, I can hear uncertainty in her voice.

I take a deep breath in, "You're perfect."

She turns her head towards me, and I see a light blush on her cheeks. I give her a small smile of reassurance. She shouldn't hide that she's perfect. No one else is as strong as her. No one else makes my heart race like her. I get butterflies just looking at her.

She smiles back and I get butterflies again.

We lay there and talk and sleep untill it's late afternoon. Katniss finally decided it was time to do something productive, so she went down stairs to get my prosthetic. She took off when I collapsed because it was cold and she was afraid of me getting sick.

A few moments later I hear her footsteps come up the stairs. She stops in front of the doorway. She looks. . . nervous. She's probably nervous about putting on my prosthetic. I told her the real reason why I left and she's probably worried I'll be ashamed and leave again, but I won't. I promised her I wouldn't leave her side.

She becomes unfrozen and brings my prosthetic to me. Thankfully she brought a wool sock. If I continued to walk on it without one, the skin on my stub would become so raw it would be impossible for me to move, even with the aid of my prosthetic, for weeks.

I give her a small smile of reasurance. She meets my eyes and nods slightly. I can see her swallow and her hands shake slightly. I know how she feels. It was the same way for me when I had first put it on. It's wierd and alien to think that a metal contraption will attach to you and work as your leg. The thought is just...nerve racking.

For a few moments she fumbles with my prosthetic untill it falls into place on my stub. When she finishes I can she tears form in her eyes. There is nothing I hate more than seeing her cry. Mainly because I'm the one who usually causes those tears. I get a gut wrenching feeling that crushes the life out of me. I can never be happy untill I'm postive she's alright.

"Katniss, are you-are you...alright?" I stammer. I can feel my cheeks red with embarrassment.

She doesn't want me. I'm not a full man.

As the thought passes my head, I immediately shove it away. I can not think like that.

"I hate it." she mumbles just loud enough so that I can hear.

"Hate what?" I ask tentatively. Hate me? Hate that I'm not who I was? Hate my prosthetic?

"I-I" she says shakily, "I hate that you got the torture of the capital. I hate that they did this to you."

She glances up at me. The pain is visible in her eyes and face. I want to reassure her but she continues.

"I-I" she pauses, and takes a shaky breath "I hate that I'm scared of them." she admits.

"Katniss," I say, pulling her up from the ground and into my arms. I hold her tight. And if it was up to me, I'd never let her go again.

We both shed a few tears, and ache in pain for ourselves and each other.

FINALLY, we get up and go downstairs. Ready to begin the day. Ready to raise the baby. Ready to begin again.

**Sorry again. I'm a shame I know, but ya know, holidays and school and sports and other crap, but anyway. My birthday is next week and as a present to YOU. I am updating ALL my stories and adding a new POJ story, that I've been working on. It's gonna be awesome. So look forward to that and have an awesome day!**


	5. Forgotten

**A/N~ Thank you so much! I just got back from a freezing/hard cross country workout and I am SO tired, but I got TONS of follows/favorites I didn't get that many reviews, yet. But since you guys are awesome, I am updating! And don't forget the birthday treat I promised! I'll even update my one-shot for tangled! Who knows, it might turn out to be a story anyway! Thanks again to these AWESOME people:**

**SarahELupin**

**Maryboberrie**

**ABBAfan1**

**I-am-from-District-12**

** XIIIHOPEXIII**

**happyhungergames99**

**and many more!**

**{your the reason I'm updating and smiling!}**

**Chapter 5**

**Forgotten**

**Katniss POV**

_I'm running running running. _

_It's hard to breath._

_Where's Peeta?_

_Why am I alone?_

_Where am I?_

_He said he'd never leave me. Where is he?_

_I'm getting tired. My joints are burning. My legs feel like rocks. I can't keep moving._

_Why am I still going?_

_Why aren't I stopping?_

_Someone screams. It sounds like..._

"PRIM!" I wake up screaming. I'm breathing heavily. I frantically look around. I'm in my room. Peeta's next to me. He gives me a concerned look. I woke him up.

It was just a dream.

Just a dream.

I take a deep breath in and release it.

Peeta continues to stare at me, I know he won't ask, but for some odd reason I want to tell him. Tell him about my nightmare. About losing Prim.

We've been together long enough that he knows how to act during these midnight horrors. He waits patiently untill I calm down, then he offers kind words of reassurance. I feel guilty for waking him up, we hold each other. Then, I'll occasionally drift off to sleep.

But something's different about this dream. Whenever I dream about Prim I see her die. I watch painfully as she blows up each and every time. But this time I could only hear her.

I rake my brain for her image, a memory, ANYTHING! But I can't.

I can't remember.

I forgot.

I have forgotten her.

I meet eyes with Peeta and he tries to read my expression, as he usually does. I can image it's a look of horror, regret, and shame.

Prim was such an important role in my life and I have forgotten her.

Bitterly I think of my mother, who shut us out and left it up to me to raise Prim and fend for myself. Ofcourse now I understand how she felt but I'm stronger than her. I face the world, I don't shut it out.

And yet I forgot Prim.

My eyes well up and threaten to spill over. I force the tears back but one rebellious tear falls and Peeta quickly wipes it away.

He understands, after all he lost his whole family.

I realise that he has no idea why I'm crying, other than it hjas to do with Prim. Nightmares about Prim are the worst. More often than not I can't fall asleep after them, and this time I'm sure I won't sleep for days.

How can I have this child if I forgot what my own sister looks like?

Peeta hand still lingers on my cheek and I drop my gaze to the bed sheets.

How do I explain this?

"Prim," i mumble. I glance up at Peeta, he nods, his eyes patient and kind, but I can see a hint of eagerness. He never asks about about my dreams anymore. He stopped a long time ago, because it only made the pain worse. I know I have to tell him, and I think he senses it. "I-I," I start shakily. I drop my gaze back to the sheets, too ashamed to face him when he figures out what a monster I am. I wasn't the only one who loved Prim. She as much his sister as she was mine. "I forgot." he raises his eyebrows in confusion. So, I prepare myself for another heartbreaking . I suck in a breath and begin "I forgot," I pause, forcing my eyes up to Peeta's, "what she looks like."

My eyes brim with tears that h=threaten to spill over. Peeta keeps a calm composure and gives me the sympathy I need. He removes his hands from my cheek and slides his arm around my back. He starts to rub small circles, as he whispers words of reassurance.

"Katniss," he whispers. So kind, and gentle. My heart jumps, he's back and he'll help me through this. I turn into his body and he wraps his other arm around me. I slide my arms under his and press closer to him.

I'm crying now, and I don't hide it. Peeta has seen me at my worst and he still is here with me. He's my best friend, my husband, my love.

We stay folded in each other untill morning. There was no way I would fall asleep and he wouldn't sleep unless I was.

I feel guilty for keeping him up, but there's no stopping him. He'll be by my side no matter what, and for that I am eternally grateful.

**Peeta's POV**

Katniss hasn't been able to remember what Prim looks like for about a week now. I catch her every now and then singing the Hanging Tree song, or muttering Prim's name over and over, trying desperately to remember her sweet sister's face.

It's heart breaking to watch her suffer and that's why I have created a master plan.

Each day while Katniss takes a walk around District twelve, I have forbidden her from going to the woods because I'm nervous for both her and the baby, I sketch and paint Prim. Her blonde braids and innocent face. I have three paintings done and I'm finishing up the last one. I plan on giving them to her tonight.

The first one I painted was Prim walking through the meadow. The winds blowing stray hairs in her face, and Buttercup is following closely at her heels.

The next one shows her diligently milking her goat. She sweating from the work, and you can tell by her slumped posture that she's tired.

The third one is a portrait of her. Just her kind and caring face. This one's my favorite. It was quite simple to make and looks very well with the color scheme I used.

The one I'm working on now is of her and Katniss, holding hands and walking through Twelve. Prim is more translucent and Katniss is more opaque. I hope this won't upset Katniss. I wanted to have it show her moving on. but Prim is still by her side.

By the time I hear Katniss rustling with the door, I have finished my last painting. I scan over the paintings, looking for any missing details or mistakes.

"Peeta?" I hear Katniss call from downstairs. "Peeta, where are you?"

I arrange the paintings from shortest to tallest.

I take one last look at the works of art, as I back out of my "workshop" as Katniss calls it.

"I'm here" I call, as I head down the stairs.

I find Katniss sipping a glass of water in the kitchen. My mind clouds with dozens of questions to ask about her walk, but I know she won't want me to worry.

As I get closer to her I notice the sweat on her brow and her heavy breathes. She's had morning sickness and her stomach is continually getting larger and larger. She's due for a doctor's appointment. I want to express my worries with her but I know she won't listen.

''Are you alright?'' I question. Hoping she'll answer me honestly. She gulps down another swig of water and mumbles something that sounds like, "Uh huh"

I let it slide, because after I give her the paintings I'll have her promise not to do anything too challenging.

I let her finish her water before I take her hand. I start to guide her up the stairs.

"Peeta, what? Where are we going?" she asks.

"You'll see" I say mischievously.

"Peeta" she demands. She stops immediately, refusing to continue up the stairs.

I sigh, typical, stubborn Katniss.

"Come on Katniss, I'm trying to make this a pleasant surprise, and you're ruining it!" I say with mock anger.

She raises an eyebrow at me, but comes with me the next time I tug on her arm.

As we near the "workshop" I tell Katniss to close her eyes.

I get another raised eyebrow in response, but she obeys.

I start to get butterflies. What if she doesn't like them?

What if they upset her?

What if...

I stop myself, no time to think of what if's.

I guide her though the doorway to the "workshop".

I wrap my arms around her waist and bring my mouth to her ear, "You can open your eyes now." I whisper.

Slowly her eyelids lift and reveal her piercing gray eyes. She glances up at me, and I nod towards the paintings.

Her eyes widen and...

**A/N~ And sorry about the cliffy, but I just had to! Stay tuned for next week! Don't forget to review! Also, I said this was for my birthday but I had a bizarre week, caught between being sick a social studies project, and cross-country conference meet I had to put this to the side for a while but thanks for not giving up on me. I won't forget about my stories ever! I just can't wait for spring break or summer, so my updates become every few days! It's gonna be awesome!**


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